All In How You Present It

My daughter has asthma, so any little sniffle or sign of congestion is a cause for concern. So when she started using a truckload of tissues today, I knew we might be heading for trouble. The question became what to do about it.

It occurred to me that I had the solution--my trusty neti pot. But how do you get a 4 year-old to use one? It is a strange experience to use a neti pot, even for an adult. How could I pitch this so that she wouldn't completely freak out?

Turn it into a game! At dinner, I suggested that I had a really fun game we could play to get rid of her stuffy nose. I just knew that she would love to play The Nose Game! Everyone at the table joined me in explaining how much fun the game was. She was so excited when we got home!

She insisted that I go first so I could show her how to play. I used the neti pot and told her how fun it was. (If you have ever used one, you know that it is decidedly not fun. Strange, yes, but fun? Not so much.) Then it was her turn. Her dad picked her up and held her sideways over the sink while I poured the water through her nose. She was a trooper! She let me do both sides of her nose. When she was finished, she informed us that it tickled and felt weird. She did love the fact that she was no longer congested! She also was very keen on me using the neti pot on her dad. He was a little less pleased, but like the great dad he is, he did it.

Hopefully, we can continue to play the nose game every time she has a sniffle!

Breaking the Silence

I just finished reading "A Wall of Silence," an article in the June issue of Parents magazine.  The article is about depression and moms--specifically the problems associated with postpartum depression (PPD).

I don't have to read an article to know what damage PPD can do. I've lived it. It took more than a year before I was diagnosed and got help. Everything seemed fine right after my daughter was born. She was an easy baby. I started feeling anxious but chalked it up to being a new mom. An unexpected surgery shortly after her birth left me unable to drive for an extended period. Two moves in six months left me lonely and isolated. A family crisis pushed me over the edge. I was a wreck. I would take care of the baby and sleep, I couldn't seem to manage anymore. I was withdrawn and angry. I felt completely out of control but I wasn't sure why or what to do about it. I struggled in silence--afraid I was crazy, a bad mother, a lousy human being. Thankfully, my husband realized that something had gone way off course and he got me help. A course of anti-depressants and therapy helped get me back on track.

I still struggle with issues raised by my PPD. I worry that I am not the mom I could have been if I hadn't been depressed. I worry that my daughter will be emotionally damaged by what happened. In my darkest moments, I wonder if my daughter and my husband don't deserve better than I can provide.

I have learned a lot during my fight with PPD. I have learned that I am stronger than I believed. I have learned that my husband has a deep capacity for love and understanding. I have learned that laughter and joy are priceless. I have learned to make happiness a choice. I have learned it is important to share my experience because I never want any other mother to feel like she is losing herself and is completely alone.

PPD doesn't just occur right after birth. It can happen any time during the first year. A later onset is especially common in nursing moms. Depression has many different faces--some moms cry, some panic, and some get angry. All of them need help. Motherhood is rewarding, frightening, hard, joyful, and it is not something we can do alone.

Not My Finest Day

Yesterday was not one of my finest days. I got up late, which wether you have a job to get to or not, always signals a poor start.

We had been dog sitting for my in-laws and they got home last night. I wanted to take their dog, an easy going shih tzu named Duffy, home early so I could give him a bath. Since I was already running late, I was rushing to get everything done so we could leave. I gathered up Duffy's things--bowls, bed--and put him on his leash. I also decided to take my dog, a chihuahua mix named Bocci, with us too. Quite frankly, she was a stinky dog and I figured it would be just as easy to bathe two as it would be to do just one. We headed out the door with me juggling a four-year old, two dogs, my purse and keys, and an assortment of dog paraphernalia. I had just gotten the apartment door locked when my little one informed me that I had forgotten her shoes. Sure enough, her little feet were bare! So back in we all went to get shoes. (How bad a mother am I that I contemplated just letting her go barefooted? We do live in Florida, after all.)

We ran a few errands on the way to my in-laws and picked up some lunch. The afternoon went quickly, and the dogs were bathed without incident. We went to church and then come home for a light dinner while my husband went to pick up his parents at the airport. I had to fight to go to the bathroom when we got home, because, as every mother knows, as soon as you say you will get something after you go to the bathroom, any sane four year-old will rush the bathroom you intend to use. Dinner finally fixed, I called my sister. This of course, was a signal to my daughter to go crazy, talking to me, running around, and generally acting like she has no manners at all. Finally, deciding that was not enough to get my attention, she spilled her juice on the floor. (Thankfully it was apple not grape!)

I had enough! I got off the phone in mid-conversation (amid my sister's laughter) and put the little one to bed early before cleaning up the mess she had made. As if to add insult to injury, when I went to change my clothes for the night, I realized that I had put my underwear on backwards and had been wearing them like that all day. Some days, you just can't win.

Mother's Day

I am not a fan of Mother's Day. In fact, I find it very annoying and have done so for almost as long as I have been a mother. Strange, huh?

It is not that I have any objection to other people celebrating Mother's Day, I don't. I just don't want to celebrate it or hear about it. I don't feel this way about Father's Day. I enjoy planning a day of surprises for my husband (who is a GREAT dad). But Mother's Day really bugs me.

You would think that as a stay-at-home mom, I would love Mother's Day. It isn't as if I get many accolades for the work I do every day.  I think that I find Mother's Day so bothersome because of my own complicated relationship with my mother. It is the one day when I most feel the disconnection I have in my life.

I suspect that there are other women like me. A silent group for whom Mother's Day is a reminder of loss, hurt, failure, or a host of other complicated and sad emotions. So, for those of us who do not wish to celebrate, I say Happy Spring Sunday!

Welcome to Mom Alchemy!

What is Mom Alchemy? It is the process that happens to every parent with a child. You change in ways you could never predict. All of a sudden, issues you never thought about become important. From education to green living, from play dates to family time--you magically balance it all. (Or at least you try to make it balance!) Sometimes you feel overwhelmed, successful, stressed, happy, grateful. . .and, like magic, the list goes on and on.

Alchemy is the magical process by which one substance is changed into another, more precious, substance. I often feel like this is the process I am going through as I rear my child. I am changing, becoming something more--and the changes are not always easy or painless. Do you feel this way also? If so, join me as we explore the wonderful, strange, magical world that is Mom Alchemy!